Growing up.

I got a glimpse of 'life and death' at a very young age through the eyes of my mother and father. I was alive when their grandparents started to die, and perhaps.. a little too young to truly understand the concept of death as a bad thing. Children are funny like that, really. Someone dies, and they smile, happy that their loved one is in 'heaven' before they go back to eating crayons.

When my grandparents began to get sick, one by one.. I noticed a change. I was older. An adult for all intensive purposes. I had pubic hair. I had a job. I could reason somewhat well. When they began to die, it felt a little different to me. Like something really was being taken away, because I never realized that people are mortal, and eventually all you'll really have of them is memories and photographs.. which fade over time.

When my uncle got sick from Testicular Cancer, and a close cousin afflicted with Pancriatic Cancer.. I began to see the pattern. I looked around at the next generation of my family members, and my blood began to chill when I realized.. that the pain and horrible suffering that my parents went through when they watched their grandparents, and then their mothers and fathers pass... it was mine to endure this time around. Only, they were watching their brothers and sisters die, now.

A 'Fact of life' they call it. But as with all other facts of life, things like this are never easy to swallow or accept. But, we do, somehow. Some people are prepared for it, early. Others, not so lucky.

When we live our lives.. terrified of what we might lose, we never really live. I think our time on earth is limited so that we're forced to make the best out of it while we can. Like a game, not everyone scores high points, or reaches a high level.. but I think a lot of us forget, sometimes, to just enjoy the game.

I cannot relate to Justin's pain, at this time. I don't think I ever could. Possibly, because we swallow what life gives us in a different way. I'm grateful he still has time to spend with his mother, however. Some people really aren't lucky enough to see what's ahead.

He really should go watch some Deadwood.