Let's see, here..

So Justin reminded me yesterday that while I give him shit for never blogging.. I actually hardly ever do it myself, anymore.

Out of fear of being a hypocrite, here I am.

So it's occurred to me that I worry too much. I've observed the massive workload that is being handed off to me, and then I make a list of what I need to have done over the weekend. It's a big list. Something huge and blood-pressure raising.

Every weekend, I sit on my ass eating cheetos, watching Season 5 episodes of House, and drinking obscene amounts of tea. Every hour or so, I do some homework, then go back to my usual tactic of fucking around and doing nothing. By the time the weekend closes, I've gotten about half my list of homework done, and I spend Monday morning chewing down my fingernails.

Then I look at my schedule. Is everything that needs to be turned in done? Yes. Do I have time over the week to finish other things? Yes. Is my head on fire, and am I going to die? No.

Then what the fuck am I so worried about?

I think I could use a chill pill.

Details, and more details

I woke up today contemplating doing something very, very stupid. I don't think I've thought about hurting myself in order to get out of work in a very long time and it seems that the time had come for me to go and think about it again. In my infinite wisdom, I sat in bed and wondered what kind of injury would be most believable but with as little pain and disabling as possible.

I realized that my little toe might have to someday take one for the team. And I have two of them. That's like two days off in the bank, courtesy of God and my parents. They won't be tracking those in any HR department. This, I know.

I feel it slipping.. I feel it slipping away.

Accumulated Amortization upon my Sanity has been Debited to my Amortization of Sanity Expense account. D:

No time for old habits.

The silence. It's deafening.

I need to get used to this. :(

Update, just to keep sane.

I broke down and drank a Redbull, today. Either I'm depressed about something, or my body simply refuses to allow me to get motivated about anything. I figure getting 'high' on Caffeine will finally kick me into gear. Seems to have done the trick so far..

I started an 'Impromptu Yellow Plum Venture' last night in Lorene's kitchen. It happened after a shift at work where Dave handed over an entire case of random yellow plums the new owner left for him. He didn't want to do anything with them. Not so bad, I consider. Should make an interesting brew.

So.. this summer I've created, thus far: Fruit Medley v1.0 (Huckleberry, Salmon Berry, Strawberry, Blueberry, and Cherry), Fruit Medley v2.0 (Cherry, White Nectarine, Blackberry, Raspberry), 2 different batches of Blueberry, a Bing Cherry Port, Blackberry (of which I will be doing another batch, pending picking of, today), and this 'Plum Venture'. My mind whirls at the amount of bottles I'll be labeling and packing away in boxes. I think I might be in over my head, here.

School starts in a week. I have all my books. (650$ of them. Fuckers.), and they're heavy. Not just physically, but just.. loaded with all sorts of useful information I can't fathom wrapping my head around. I guess I'm going to have to.

Jason told me that I have the worst possible teacher for Microeconomics. He even offered his sympathies. This didn't do much to ease my nerves about the whole ordeal.. but I suppose I'm prepared in the way that I know she's going to be a giant pain in my ass.. so I can treat the class accordingly. Maybe with the concept that I must teach myself everything in this class firmly in mind.. I'll be prepared enough to pass at a reasonable grade. I'll find out soon enough.. *chuckles*

My ex-boyfriend, Lachlan, contacted me on LJ and we struck up a conversation, recently. After about.. 10 years of stony silence. This caused me to go and find another one of my dearest friends from my wacky childhood. He's going through a giant pile of shit in his life, apparently, and it makes me feel pretty bad for him. I'm also upset at myself for having lost contact with Eric, cause from what I can remember, we used to be pretty tight. It really chokes me up, though, that I didn't get to take this trip out to MN during the summer. It would have been really.. cool to take him out for a few beers so we could fuck around and make sick jokes about Masturbation all day. Just like the old days.

Ah, Nostalgia.

Goddamn, I love the internet.

I figured since I haven't posted in a while, that it might be that time again. Yaknow.. to post.

I was talking tonight, to this girl whom I haven't spoken to since she showed up on my doorstep at 14 years of age asking me for money to buy tampons. In my ignorance, I likely lent her drug money, but that just goes to show how very kind I can be to my friends.

Regardless, after she left me with a bad taste in my mouth, and a heaping chunk of self esteem ripped from my gut, I never really thought much of her until she found me on Facebook. Now, as we discuss where life has taken the both of us, I'm left with another strange taste in my mouth.

This flavor? Kind of like the taste you get when you look up to see God and realize that the universe is awesome, right after you're done wiping his jizz off of your lips.

I'll scoot on past the concept that it's completely cool to be able to find and talk to people I haven't in 10 years. We know how satisfying that can be. No, no folks.. I'm gonna sit right down and settle with the idea that it's goddamned cool to see where everyone I know from highschool has FAILED.

Yes. I am that petty.

There's the odd one or two who's just as spectacular as I remember them, of course. But I can't help but find some kind of sick satisfaction when I see the 'popular' girl in school has gained 100 lbs, and has an ugly boyfriend. Or that someone else I used to know and respect has the literary skills of a drunken chimpanzee.

And how many people do I know from highschool who've degraded into that creepy entity otherwise known as "Mommy" or "Daddy"?! You know, the weird obsessive parent that only posts about their children? It's downright disturbing when I see people that I used to bullshit in Art class with talking about how they're waiting to get their kids back from an estranged other-parent who has a restraining order out against them.

Fucked up shit.

I guess my point here, is that seeing how far my 'peers' have come.. only makes my minimal accomplishments all the more gratifying.

Yay! Go me!

Annie's Haiku of the Day:

A saddened Newfag,
Laptop without numberpad,
I cannot Triforce.

[Crossposting]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_virtues#Roman_virtues

From now on, all of my roleplay characters will embody one of these virtues totally and completely. I could point out how some of them already are but that's not the point. I'd like to see some backbone in my characters and I think this is going to be what does it.