Goddamn, I love the internet.

I figured since I haven't posted in a while, that it might be that time again. Yaknow.. to post.

I was talking tonight, to this girl whom I haven't spoken to since she showed up on my doorstep at 14 years of age asking me for money to buy tampons. In my ignorance, I likely lent her drug money, but that just goes to show how very kind I can be to my friends.

Regardless, after she left me with a bad taste in my mouth, and a heaping chunk of self esteem ripped from my gut, I never really thought much of her until she found me on Facebook. Now, as we discuss where life has taken the both of us, I'm left with another strange taste in my mouth.

This flavor? Kind of like the taste you get when you look up to see God and realize that the universe is awesome, right after you're done wiping his jizz off of your lips.

I'll scoot on past the concept that it's completely cool to be able to find and talk to people I haven't in 10 years. We know how satisfying that can be. No, no folks.. I'm gonna sit right down and settle with the idea that it's goddamned cool to see where everyone I know from highschool has FAILED.

Yes. I am that petty.

There's the odd one or two who's just as spectacular as I remember them, of course. But I can't help but find some kind of sick satisfaction when I see the 'popular' girl in school has gained 100 lbs, and has an ugly boyfriend. Or that someone else I used to know and respect has the literary skills of a drunken chimpanzee.

And how many people do I know from highschool who've degraded into that creepy entity otherwise known as "Mommy" or "Daddy"?! You know, the weird obsessive parent that only posts about their children? It's downright disturbing when I see people that I used to bullshit in Art class with talking about how they're waiting to get their kids back from an estranged other-parent who has a restraining order out against them.

Fucked up shit.

I guess my point here, is that seeing how far my 'peers' have come.. only makes my minimal accomplishments all the more gratifying.

Yay! Go me!

Annie's Haiku of the Day:

A saddened Newfag,
Laptop without numberpad,
I cannot Triforce.

[Crossposting]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roman_virtues#Roman_virtues

From now on, all of my roleplay characters will embody one of these virtues totally and completely. I could point out how some of them already are but that's not the point. I'd like to see some backbone in my characters and I think this is going to be what does it.

These summer nights.

6 minutes and counting until I need to leave for work. The bags under my eyes could likely hold a week's worth of luggage, and I am too lazy to cover them with makeup. (Not that it would stay on well in this heat, mind you.)

After over a week of not being able to sleep more than 5 hours, or eat more than a scrawny meal a day, I've found that I've lost 5 lbs. Surprising, honestly.. but part of me actually likes the outcome. I can fit into my sexiest pair of black pants more comfortably, now, and the chub upon my stomach has receeded a small bit.

Nice to know that if I watch my diet a little better (Okay, this case is extreme) I can probably slim down just a bit.

The lack of sleep thing, however, isn't something I appreciate in the least. Last night was one of those nights where you try to sleep; wake up due to a disturbing or intense dream, and sit awake for 2 more hours with your mind racing in that space between dreaming and consciousness. I've been on sleeping pills, before, and knowing what it's like to be in that place, and as pleasant as it can be, sometimes.. I know that when I have to wake up in 5, 4, 3, 2, or 1 hours.. the anxiety of knowing my day will be ass doesn't allow me to really enjoy it.

Maybe it's coffee getting back at me. "Come on, have a sip again.." she says.. over and over and over again, until I realize I'm hooked once more.

Curses!

Alright, time to put on some socks and catch a bus. @_@

Life's a lemon and I want my money back.

Oh, where do I start?

I'm still at work. I don't know if I even want to go home at this point in time. So many thoughts in my head, and such a tiny keyboard.

I spout out my musings to internetland, because the saddest thing about being the strong person people to to vent their problems to, is that no one is ever there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on. I suppose that's part of my problem, tonight.

To be honest, I'm really just writing to remind myself that I need to elaborate further later when I have a less maddening means to communicate.

Who knows? Maybe I will.

My turn already?!

Bumped into an old acquaintence, the other day. Someone I hadn't talked to, and scarcely thought about, until recently. Uncanny, how my thoughts can wander to a person I haven't considered encountering.. only hours before I manage to meet them, unscheduled, face to face.

We did that thing that people do when they're interested in catching up, but too busy or awkward to sit down right there and have coffee: Exchanged numbers and Facebook addresses.

I plan on doing a follow-up.

Things at work are falling apart, and quickly. I suppose that's what happens when it's purchased by someone who wants to take away privileges from the people who work there. For some strange reason, the cooks aren't allowed to eat free meals anymore. My Chef is not exactly pleased with this. I imagine everyone else is a little sore, too.

He told me he had applied for a job in a pub in Cloverdale. Then he asked me if I'd work with him there, if he got it. I said yeah, but he'd have to pay me more money. *chuckle*

The truth? I'd follow him there in a heartbeat. Even though my quitting date for working is fastly approaching (Less than two months!)

I'm nervous and scared. I'm also sad about it. But, I'm sure I'll get over the first two quickly.

The workout. See, I had walked into that place expecting to be dwarfed by men much burlier than myself. To be crushed beneath their heels, to have my underwear driven up into my colon via wedgie and to be thrown into a locker. What did I find? A bunch of motherfuckers that looked just like me.

One kid even started following me to ask me how my workout routine worked. I was like "Man, it's a free PDF. Gimmie your email address and I'll send it to you." He seemed pleased. Then I actually tried to workout routine.

I now want nothing more than death.

My leg muscles are all sore and failing, my arms and chest are all sore and failing. But goddamned if it didn't feel good to go to the shower after the fact. To wash off all of the sweat (of which there was a lot) and to get myself back to being like a human... God, that was nice.

So next time, I add 5lb to the bar and do it again. Then the next time, I add 5lb to the bar and do it again until I stall out. Then I back off 10% on the weight and try again with the +5 every time until I get to 1.5x my body weight on a squat. Then I can stay there a while since you should never have to move more than that amount of weight alone anyway.

It's strength training. Not GET TO DA CHOPPA training.

Go, Annie!

It's that magical day. You know, the one that feels all 'personal' to someone, and they desperately hope it will be better than all of the others.

I find I've become jaded, over the years.

I was much more excited on Saturday. That.. was the big day of the Masquerade. I spent 50 dollars on my hair, and an hour and a half getting dressed.. but the results were always pleasing. I get such a thrill when I walk into a room, and people look at me and say "Wow". It's like I managed to bump my App rating a dot or two just because I put in a little extra effort.

I danced, a little. My Heterosexual Life-Mate danced much more than me (Fucking harlots). I mostly spent the night desperately trying to catch up with people I haven't seen for a year. It made me really sad to realize just how much I've lost touch with my social group because of my work schedule.

The mantra of the season seems to be: "Oh, well, I won't have that problem, come September."

Oddly enough? It's a really soothing thought.