Life's a lemon and I want my money back.

Oh, where do I start?

I'm still at work. I don't know if I even want to go home at this point in time. So many thoughts in my head, and such a tiny keyboard.

I spout out my musings to internetland, because the saddest thing about being the strong person people to to vent their problems to, is that no one is ever there for you when you need a shoulder to lean on. I suppose that's part of my problem, tonight.

To be honest, I'm really just writing to remind myself that I need to elaborate further later when I have a less maddening means to communicate.

Who knows? Maybe I will.

My turn already?!

Bumped into an old acquaintence, the other day. Someone I hadn't talked to, and scarcely thought about, until recently. Uncanny, how my thoughts can wander to a person I haven't considered encountering.. only hours before I manage to meet them, unscheduled, face to face.

We did that thing that people do when they're interested in catching up, but too busy or awkward to sit down right there and have coffee: Exchanged numbers and Facebook addresses.

I plan on doing a follow-up.

Things at work are falling apart, and quickly. I suppose that's what happens when it's purchased by someone who wants to take away privileges from the people who work there. For some strange reason, the cooks aren't allowed to eat free meals anymore. My Chef is not exactly pleased with this. I imagine everyone else is a little sore, too.

He told me he had applied for a job in a pub in Cloverdale. Then he asked me if I'd work with him there, if he got it. I said yeah, but he'd have to pay me more money. *chuckle*

The truth? I'd follow him there in a heartbeat. Even though my quitting date for working is fastly approaching (Less than two months!)

I'm nervous and scared. I'm also sad about it. But, I'm sure I'll get over the first two quickly.

The workout. See, I had walked into that place expecting to be dwarfed by men much burlier than myself. To be crushed beneath their heels, to have my underwear driven up into my colon via wedgie and to be thrown into a locker. What did I find? A bunch of motherfuckers that looked just like me.

One kid even started following me to ask me how my workout routine worked. I was like "Man, it's a free PDF. Gimmie your email address and I'll send it to you." He seemed pleased. Then I actually tried to workout routine.

I now want nothing more than death.

My leg muscles are all sore and failing, my arms and chest are all sore and failing. But goddamned if it didn't feel good to go to the shower after the fact. To wash off all of the sweat (of which there was a lot) and to get myself back to being like a human... God, that was nice.

So next time, I add 5lb to the bar and do it again. Then the next time, I add 5lb to the bar and do it again until I stall out. Then I back off 10% on the weight and try again with the +5 every time until I get to 1.5x my body weight on a squat. Then I can stay there a while since you should never have to move more than that amount of weight alone anyway.

It's strength training. Not GET TO DA CHOPPA training.

Go, Annie!

It's that magical day. You know, the one that feels all 'personal' to someone, and they desperately hope it will be better than all of the others.

I find I've become jaded, over the years.

I was much more excited on Saturday. That.. was the big day of the Masquerade. I spent 50 dollars on my hair, and an hour and a half getting dressed.. but the results were always pleasing. I get such a thrill when I walk into a room, and people look at me and say "Wow". It's like I managed to bump my App rating a dot or two just because I put in a little extra effort.

I danced, a little. My Heterosexual Life-Mate danced much more than me (Fucking harlots). I mostly spent the night desperately trying to catch up with people I haven't seen for a year. It made me really sad to realize just how much I've lost touch with my social group because of my work schedule.

The mantra of the season seems to be: "Oh, well, I won't have that problem, come September."

Oddly enough? It's a really soothing thought.

Drivel: Online.

The posting proceeds.

We went to a few jewelry stores today, checking up on rings that we might want.

This is the ring I picked.

I think it looks very steampunk. Anya's looking for a ring to match or compliment it and having a tougher time of it. But, here's where the story comes in:

We were in the store and the woman who sat down across from us to start showing us rings goes "So? How did you meet?" and we're like "Uhh... Here and there." and kinda glossed over it. Then she told us that there was a contest for who had the best and most interesting 'how did you meet' stories for the employees there. Apparently whoever was given the best story got something.

So we got to work. And told the truth.

"We were at an Vampire LARP and Anya was someone's ghoul. That's a servant. Then I poached said ghoul. That means take them out of someone else's service and put them into your own by feeding them blood. So we fell in love, then."

"...well. Isn't that special?"

Shit that goes on in my mind.

Today was a strange one. I thrust myself into a room of people that, once upon a time, I looked up to. In a way someone would admire a hero or a fatherly figure. I sat around a kitchen table stuffing my face with foods that I don't even know the names of as I babbled about my experiences outside of a place that these people never left.

When I was at this place with them, working, they always told me that I needed to get my head out of the clouds and find new experiences. Here, I had. I kind of felt accomplished.. and hell, I've hardly started.

Part of me feels ashamed that I'm stepping out of the kitchen for good. I wonder if that makes me a failure because I couldn't hack it. But.. I don't think I would have changed anything, looking back.

Later on, I flaked out on someone I said I was going to RP with so that I could continue spending time with my friends. I went to Ashley's house and met her pet chickens. I was extremely envious. I've always wanted pet chickens. I picked them up, and played with them... and even found an egg!

It was a nice day.

5 days until I'm 28. I think I finally know how it feels to dread getting older.. but I could just be making a big deal out of nothing. It's not that I've lost my youth.. but I think I just see the time I have left to enjoy it.. slipping away. Thankfully, I don't plan on having kids, so maybe I can make the most out of 'adulthood' when I think I've finally reached it..

It's raining outside. It's been raining all day. The sound kind of makes me sleepy. There's a man in bed pissed at me beause I'm not in there with him.. but I couldn't really bring myself to sleep just yet. But, now that I've rambled on to the endless, quiet space of the internets.. I feel I may be ready, now.

Good night, world.

Unwilling Siren

Men confuse the hell out of me. I've found over time, that even though I am not the most.. attractive person in the world (Okay, I'm pretty damn hot when I try..), I have various men infatuated with me without me doing much of anything to provoke them.

Since I've been working at a pub, it's gotten worse. There is a.. number of regular customers whom I've had my co-workers describe as 'in love' with me. Why? I haven't the faintest. I don't wear makeup half the time. I don't do my hair. Hell, I hardly even dress to please the eye.. yet somehow, because I can put back a pint or two in a sitting, and have a vocabulary that would make a sailor blush.. I have this small pack of grown men drooling at the sight of me.

Now, it's spread to co-workers. (Or at least.. 15 year old dishwashers. The thought makes me cringe and giggle at the same time)

It makes me wonder what I could do to people if I actually -wanted- that sort of attention.

In other news, I'll be 28 in a month. That fuckin' scares the hell out of me. I keep wondering how I got so old.. and then keep reminding myself that I'm not really old, yet. Then I keep wondering how long I'm gonna keep looking young.. and start counting down the days until my ass sags, my face wrinkles, and I gain 300 lbs. I've already started getting grey hair. D:

Regardless.. I'm celebrating this year by getting my nipples pierced. Yep. Both of them. It's gonna be grand.

Annie's Haiku of the Day:

Nazis on tv,
Talking about Jew Problems,
Saturday Morning.