Shit that goes on in my mind.

Today was a strange one. I thrust myself into a room of people that, once upon a time, I looked up to. In a way someone would admire a hero or a fatherly figure. I sat around a kitchen table stuffing my face with foods that I don't even know the names of as I babbled about my experiences outside of a place that these people never left.

When I was at this place with them, working, they always told me that I needed to get my head out of the clouds and find new experiences. Here, I had. I kind of felt accomplished.. and hell, I've hardly started.

Part of me feels ashamed that I'm stepping out of the kitchen for good. I wonder if that makes me a failure because I couldn't hack it. But.. I don't think I would have changed anything, looking back.

Later on, I flaked out on someone I said I was going to RP with so that I could continue spending time with my friends. I went to Ashley's house and met her pet chickens. I was extremely envious. I've always wanted pet chickens. I picked them up, and played with them... and even found an egg!

It was a nice day.

5 days until I'm 28. I think I finally know how it feels to dread getting older.. but I could just be making a big deal out of nothing. It's not that I've lost my youth.. but I think I just see the time I have left to enjoy it.. slipping away. Thankfully, I don't plan on having kids, so maybe I can make the most out of 'adulthood' when I think I've finally reached it..

It's raining outside. It's been raining all day. The sound kind of makes me sleepy. There's a man in bed pissed at me beause I'm not in there with him.. but I couldn't really bring myself to sleep just yet. But, now that I've rambled on to the endless, quiet space of the internets.. I feel I may be ready, now.

Good night, world.

Unwilling Siren

Men confuse the hell out of me. I've found over time, that even though I am not the most.. attractive person in the world (Okay, I'm pretty damn hot when I try..), I have various men infatuated with me without me doing much of anything to provoke them.

Since I've been working at a pub, it's gotten worse. There is a.. number of regular customers whom I've had my co-workers describe as 'in love' with me. Why? I haven't the faintest. I don't wear makeup half the time. I don't do my hair. Hell, I hardly even dress to please the eye.. yet somehow, because I can put back a pint or two in a sitting, and have a vocabulary that would make a sailor blush.. I have this small pack of grown men drooling at the sight of me.

Now, it's spread to co-workers. (Or at least.. 15 year old dishwashers. The thought makes me cringe and giggle at the same time)

It makes me wonder what I could do to people if I actually -wanted- that sort of attention.

In other news, I'll be 28 in a month. That fuckin' scares the hell out of me. I keep wondering how I got so old.. and then keep reminding myself that I'm not really old, yet. Then I keep wondering how long I'm gonna keep looking young.. and start counting down the days until my ass sags, my face wrinkles, and I gain 300 lbs. I've already started getting grey hair. D:

Regardless.. I'm celebrating this year by getting my nipples pierced. Yep. Both of them. It's gonna be grand.

Annie's Haiku of the Day:

Nazis on tv,
Talking about Jew Problems,
Saturday Morning.

Lemme push up on that.

I woke up this morning with the sense that today might be the rest of my life. Not that I'm going to die or anything but that today will be the template for the rest of my days.

So I went nuts.

I got up and bathed all luxuriously. Shaved my face with soft cream and did my hair all nice. Put on some fine clothing and pet my cats who were both starved for my attention. Drank some orange juice which was delightfully cold.

Fell down my stairs. My car smelled like ass. There was a huge truck broken down across the street where I'm supposed to turn. The radio played no good music and it was all sunglare the whole way.

Is this really the template for my life? I'd give it a D+.

Me, and my split personalities.

I've stopped drinking coffee. I realized that the dependency I had on caffeine as a drug was a drag. Withdrawal kept me from waking up easily in the morning, and without it, I was an unruly, angry bitch. This is the most successful I've been at the attempt, than in the past. I find myself.. not really craving the tasty warm drink, but rather the warmness I get from it. I am cold and sad in my chair after waking up at 6am (naturally. O_O) and I don't want to make tea because I know I'll just be putting drugs in me.

Last night I went to an APICS meeting with my Heterosexual Life Mate. I was rightfully angry at the idea that his one evening home after not seeing him for so long was gobbled up by responsibilities beyond my hungering vagina, so I tagged along. Deciding to venture out into the business world displayed to me what I would be getting into come the future: Overwhelming boredom.

I suppose I'll be less bored once I understand half of what these Operations Management nerds are talking about, but regardless I came to a startling conclusion about my new chosen path in life:

I'm not appropriate. My active mental state is Not Safe For Work. The filters I must apply to my mind and mouth are astonishing to the point where I don't even really consider myself to be in the room half the time, but instead, locked up in a tiny part of my brain as I spew out words like some kind of politically correct robot.

I wonder if there will come a time where I filter myself so much that I lose touch with my sense of humor. I'm hoping not. But then again, the internet will always be my outlet, so long as I am cautious enough to know how to hide my fiery text.

Annie's Haiku of the Day:

I tenderly touch,
What I can't rightly afford,
Strippers don't like that.

A bit of TMI...

I haven't really gotten.. sick, for some time. People I know run around with various viruses.. coughing, sneezing, puking, and doing all sorts of things which in turn gets everyone else around them sick, but thus far I've been.. immune. (Here's where I knock on wood)

Beginning to believe I am impervious to virii, I go about my day merrily as people sniffle and groan.. knowing that when I get a sore throat, chances are it'll be gone by the next day and I'll be drinking in celebration of my victory.

But then something like -this- happens. My body decides that it shall scoff in the face of -normal- diseases.. easily bypassing the common cold, flu, and other things floating in the air around me.. in favor of things far more.. vile.

Bacteria is the bane of my exsistence. When I get sick, I get SICK. I cough up things I'd rather not describe. Things itch that -shouldn't-, and my wallet suffers because I inevitably have to medicate because some things, I just can't handle on my own.

I'd never pissed blood before this, and I am willing to eagerly describe the situation as.. downright unpleasant.

My insides are swollen. It hurts to move. My back is sore. Foul smelling things are coming out of me.. and all these things, while utterly unpleasant (let alone uncomfortable) lead me to believe that my kidneys have decided to wage war upon my body. Which is something downright TERRIFYING.

Pain killers are my friends until tomorrow morning, at which time a nice little Japanese man will give me magic pills that I must choke down to wage biological warfare upon the organisms invading my system. Normally I do not look forward to the offer of antibiotics.. but in this case, I believe any sort of relief is welcome.

Even if I have to choke down yogurt for a month.

Surprisingly, I still haven't missed a day of work. Holy fuck am I a trooper.

Annie's Haiku of the Day:

My thoughts are fleeting,
They return to old places,
That once brought comfort.

... hey, Justin.. you ever gonna write in this thing, again? o_O

Only in Dreams.

I had a dream last night that I wasn't accepted into BCIT. It didn't really bother me in the land of dreams, but when I woke up, I realized how crushing something like that would be to me.

I've put all my energy and motivation into preparing to go to college, that I haven't yet considered what I might do if I don't get in for the fall semester. I'm set on quitting my job in August. I've been working massive amounts of overtime just to fund my unemployment for 2 years starting in September. My mental health and happiness has begun to focus on the relief of actually having a 9-5, Mon-Fri schedule.

I'd be crushed if I don't get in. Absolutely.

I guess this means I should start preparing for the worst-case scenario.. you know, just in case. Until I get that letter of acceptance into hand, anyway. (Not that I'm honestly all that worried.. but it has been a little unsettling that I haven't gotten it, yet.)

In other news, it's been a month, at least, since I've shaved my arms. It's a strange sensation to have hair on a part of my body. I don't think I like it.

Annie's Haiku of the Day:

Time is running short,
I must make Haiku quickly,
My bus will not wait.

Wine, wine, wine..

You never really know how much you drink until you look back at all the damage it's done to your liquor reserves.

I sorted out my 'cellar', today. After having over 60 bottles of wine in my house (Vieux Chateau du Roi and Vidal Icewine) I managed, finally, to hide 10 bottles of each away to age safely. This left myself and my Heterosexual Life-Mate 3 bottles of each to consume. Careful calculation suggests that I have 13 bottles of each left.. from an original 30.

Where did they all go?!

Now, before I consider myself a raging alcoholic (Really, there's no room to be an alcoholic when I'm already a raging coke head) I do have to realize that I am incapable of being entirely selfish, and I HAVE given a lot of this shit away. (My friends, you are lucky people) But..I know for damn sure I didn't give away 17 bottles of each. My liver suggests I hardly gave away more than 10 of each kind.

Me, a lush..

So if we say I've consumed over 7 bottles of (My own, not counting other wines L has been pushing on me), that's still quite a bit of liquor consumed over the past month and a half. A bottle of wine can last me 2 to 3 days if I only stick to 2 glasses a day.


Whoa.

Oh yeah.. did I mention I have 5 more kits (at 30 bottles each) on the go? My poor, poor liver..

Annie's Haiku of the Day:

Can't shake this feeling,
Skin is crawling at night time,
Scared of my shadow.